HOW TO LOVE

We cannot give what we do not have, because something that does not exist in our consciousness cannot be recognized, and (temporarily) we do not have the ability to create it, so of course, we cannot share it.

Therefore, everyone will express and give love in different ways depending on their level of awareness. A person who is often anxious and pays attention to details will frequently remind and nitpick about small things just to ensure things go smoothly for the other person. A mother is a typical example of this, even when her child is grown or has gray hair, she will still habitually remind them of little things like “Do this before that” or “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” On the other hand, an independent person will give the other person more freedom, like saying “Just do it, if it’s wrong, we’ll fix it, and you’ll get used to it.” A meticulous, perfectionist person may, in turn, give discomfort because they want everything to be well-managed and to avoid unnecessary problems later. Conversely, an easy-going person brings ease and comfort because they are not easily upset. A person who lives by their head brings a lot of clarity and structure, even to the point of making things difficult to follow. A person who lives by their heart, however, is innocent, sincere, and full of emotions. Of course, in life, not everyone has the same things or the same awareness. And things often become more suffocating when one person does not like or need what the other is offering, or when they do not recognize that the way the other person is giving love is their way of showing it. “You say you love me, but treating me like that means you don’t love me!”

But the story is always like that when there is a difference in awareness. It’s like when we were young and naive, we recognized those who loved us as the ones who said things that matched our ideas – or our ego. Only after experiencing life did we realize that sometimes, the person who loved us most was the one who harshly pointed out our flaws in the past. It’s like when we were afraid of being controlled, the detailed questions from the ones who loved us made us feel even more controlled, until we realized that they were just asking to understand our preferences and live harmoniously. Perhaps at some point, when we were frustrated because things weren’t going as we wanted, we almost said, “But everything you’re doing is not what I need!” because that statement sounds very cool, but it can be very hurtful to the other person – because, in reality, they were just doing what they knew best. When something feels wrong, take a moment to sit back, feel, and understand what you really need. Very often, what we think we need isn’t what we truly need, just like sometimes we think we need sweet words, but in fact, we need the more difficult words to reflect on ourselves better.

Then, speak up about what you need but accept that it may take a long time for someone to change their habits, so if the person you love hasn’t adjusted at the pace you expect, be generous. Because, honestly, you’re not sure if you would be able to do the same for them.

Then, you might also laugh it off, accept, and be grateful for their way of showing love, rather than feeling upset as you did before.

Lastly, accept that even if you choose to adjust your perspective to do this for someone you love, they may not choose to do the same for you, and that’s perfectly normal. They are just like you back then, naive. They’re thinking of you the same way you thought of others back then – “You still have a long way to go to mature like me.”

So, how do we love correctly? That’s a question everyone must answer for themselves, and they will realize what’s right when they see that, “Ah, this way is easier to breathe.”

I hope we find a way to breathe easier… before we stop breathing. ^^