CRAWL INTO THE BUSHES

Loving yourself in relationships

There is a story about a monk who saw a snake in trouble and decided to help, but while performing his “Mission Impossible,” the snake bit his hand. When his disciple asked why he saved the snake, since it didn’t repay him and even struck back with a deadly bite, the monk replied, “Seeing and not helping is my problem; as for it biting me, that’s its issue because that’s its instinct.”

I secretly think, “Thank goodness the snake wasn’t poisonous… or else the monk’s life would have been ruined” ^^ In reality, the story is too brief to know if the monk realized the snake was harmless, or whether he had any protective gear like Tom Cruise during his rescue mission… ^^

In fact, I’ve often played the role of the hero, jumping into the bushes to rescue the “handsome guy” (this is just a metaphorical name, not a literal person) only to have my own “heroic” life fall apart. I’ve also witnessed many people around me, including customers, who sometimes play the “one who needs saving,” and other times take on the “rescuer” role… but in the end, it’s hard to tell who saved who, whether anyone was truly saved, or if everyone just ended up in the bushes, leaving everyone a bit worse off, circling in confusion. (There must be a bit of mess, or else I’d be out of a job ^^)

People say “love will save everything,” but I secretly think, “it depends on what level of love we’re talking about.” Don’t believe me? Try asking someone who can’t swim to dive into a deep pool and see… when they’re about to drown and lose their composure, their survival instinct kicks in, and let’s see who ends up stepping on whose head in panic =)) In life-and-death moments, no one cares about relationships anymore… Even between friends, spouses, parents and children, siblings—whoever is weaker will grab anything they can to avoid sinking. In a desperate struggle, they might even drag down the one who’s trying to save them. And if the person trying to save them is calm but doesn’t gauge their own strength, they’ll all drown together.

In that moment, the one who needs saving is not evil, nor is the snake evil. It’s just that they’re in a state where their instinct is too strong, and they end up taking more than giving. They attack instinctively because they need protection. Even the calmer person, if not careful, might reach a point where their own instincts kick in and they switch into the “take” mode, or attack the very person they were trying to protect.

It’s even worse when we sometimes get this urge to “give” when we’re not stable ourselves, often staying in “take” mode without realizing it. Then, in an instant, the instinct switch turns on, and we end up in “take” and “attack” mode, all while still thinking we have so much to give.

The saddest part is when we’re in a fragile state, ready to grab anything we can, we can easily fall into the trap of “losing control” and attacking the very person who wants to protect us. Once we snap out of it, we realize we’re in a bigger mess than before, or we’ve shattered the person who truly loves and cares for us.

Therefore, recognizing the state we are in, and understanding the state of the person we want to save or rely on, and knowing how to act in that situation is crucial to avoid pushing everything into an even worse state than before.

When we are in a constant state of “taking” more than “giving” and fragile enough to easily shift into “attacking for self-defense,” it’s best to step back temporarily, refrain from loving anyone, hold back the desire to “give,” and avoid inner conflicts where “the heart wants to give, but thoughts and actions go against it.” Also, we shouldn’t grab onto every “branch” that sticks out, because in that state, we’re not very clear-headed. Wait until the desire to “take” lessens before making any decisions.

Similarly, I’ve had to remind myself many times… besides checking whether I’m stuck in a thorny bush, I need to see what “instinct level” the other person is in, so I can decide whether to stay or run. If I stay and get bitten, only to feel the urge to “bite back,” then running away is the best option… ^^ If I keep trying to save the snake but keep getting bitten, I’ll be tired of it myself… And I can’t help but wonder, is life just about saving snakes? If Tang Seng focuses too much on saving monsters, when will he ever get the True Scriptures??? Snake, can you be a little wiser next time and spare me? =)))

Life is a series of experiences… I don’t hope we’ll end up in the bushes, but I do hope that if we ever do, we’ll know how to get out and not repeat it again. Who knows, maybe that monk will encounter a poisonous snake next time… or maybe the snake will meet a “master who has been brewing medicinal wine for three generations”… But one thing’s for sure: if everything were gone, who would be here reading my post? Hehe ^^

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